I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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