She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
