My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
