There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
