hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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