I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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