Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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