hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
