I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
