I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
