i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
