she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
