When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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