Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
