I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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