Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
