Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Come on in and take your pants off
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