i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
