I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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