is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
