OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
