i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
