If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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