i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
