I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
