Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
