we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
