the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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