hotel room ftw
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
