ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
