So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
