just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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