I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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