five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
