we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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