I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
