I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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