just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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