I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
