just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
