Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
