You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
