yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
