it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
