Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
