at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There r osticjed everywhere
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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