areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
