Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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