I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
