Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
