I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
