I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
