My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
