Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
