White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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