I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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