I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
